My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
