is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
