My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
