i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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