My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
