Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
