My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
