Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
