I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
