is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
