I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
