the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
