I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
