sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
