I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
