alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
