Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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