i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
