Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
