Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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