also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
