He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
