Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
