you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
