not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
