Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
