i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
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