Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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