I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
