she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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