This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
