I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
