What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
