Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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