i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
