i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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