Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
