the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
