i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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