Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
someone get that fucking seahorse.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
