My sheets look like a crime scene.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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