she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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