then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
