end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
