When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
