so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
