I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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