I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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