im drinking this country out of the recession.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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