____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
