bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Two words: blizzard sex
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
