you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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