Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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