yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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